Parenting

Tonight I totally pissed a mother off...so much so that she felt the need to tell me exactly how upset she was. I'm okay with that because I tend to have pretty thick skin...I also tend to say EXACTLY what I think...which is probably what pissed her off more than anything.

Tonight was the first night of an event where we had two booths to raise money for Brandi's transplant fund. The first was selling crafts we'd made (which by the way are -in my humble opinion - REALLY good) and the second was making balloon sculptures.  My niece Courtney makes some pretty amazing things out of balloons, not just animals and swords, but monkeys in banana trees, wreaths with candles and bows, candy canes, trains, helicopters...really cool stuff.

ALL of the kids who came up for balloons where exceptionally well behaved and waited in a very long line patiently for their turn...except one little boy who I shall call Red.  Red came to the balloon table 5 times and each time he was loud and obnoxious, yelling over other children we were talking to, butting in line..just not very well behaved at all. He had no parent with him and kept yelling that he wanted a gray sword. Finally, I broke down, made him a sword but warned him that if I gave him the sword he absolutely could not hit another child with it and made him promise to follow my rule. He swore he'd not hit anyone with it and went on his way.

About 20 minutes later I was walking outside when I saw two kids by a wall.  One little boy (about 8 years old) had his body turned toward the wall and his hands over his head trying to block the blows of another little boy - Red - who had let the air out of his gray sword and was repeatedly striking the other kid in the face with it.

A little sidebar here...balloons are made of rubber, and when they're being used as a whip they hurt..a lot!

So I watched Red hit the other kid about 20 times in the head..whack, whack, whack...and the other kid trying to block the blows, so I did what I would do if it where my kid...I walked up, snatched the gray rubber weapon from his hand and told him firmly that when I'd given it to him he'd promised not to hurt anyone with it and he broke his promise, therefore he no longer got to keep the balloon. Then I took it from his hand and walked away.

When I came back in Red and his mother where waiting for me, and mom was mad.  After she told me how I'd made her boy cry she started in on how he was such a sweet kid and so well behaved and how dare I speak to her baby like that.  She said that she was standing near her son and had seen him "playing" and saw nothing wrong with his behavior.

I apologized for making Red cry, but told the mother that he'd broken a promise to not hit anyone with the balloon, therefore he lost the balloon. She became more upset telling me I had no right to interfere and that's when I interrupted her explaining that is was NOT alright for her son to be hitting another child, especially when it was obvious that the other child was not enjoying being hit and was trying to block the blows to his head. Furthermore, I explained, allowing a kid to behave like that is what leads to children becoming bullies at school...and our school has a strict no violence policy.
If she was going to be a parent then she needed to actually BE the parent and make sure her kid didn't act violently towards another child. 

Yeah...she didn't like that response either and started saying again that I'd made Red cried and what kind of person would do that to a child, to which I replied that I was the type of person who wasn't going to let an uncontrolled, unmonitored child hit another child and get away from it...and if she thought that her son's behavior was okay then in my opinion she was a piss poor excuse for a mother.  She huffed up and walked away vowing to never let her son come to our booth again.

Really (I thought), THANK YOU...your kid is a brat!

So here's the thing folks, I'm not a monster, I just believe that kids need boundaries...and in my line of work I deal with a LOT of parents who don't want to be the "bad guy" and correct their kids when they act up. Their kids don't grow up having consequences for their actions and then the parents wonder why the kids won't mind. You wouldn't believe how many times a week we get calls from parents wanting us to send the police to their house to make their children...sometimes as young as 5 years old...get out of bed and go to school.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  You jerk the covers off the bed, tell them they have 5 minutes to get dressed or you're carrying them into school in their pajamas....and then you follow through with the threat. I guarantee you'd only have to do it once and the next time your child WILL get out of bed and ready for school when you tell them.

I don't think it's necessary to hit a child, but it IS necessary to let them know that YOU'RE the parent and THEY'RE the child and they DO have to obey your rules.  Ask Bella what happens when she acts up...her butt gets sent directly to the corner where she has to stand with her hands to her side for 4 minutes...and the timer doesn't start until her crying stops.  Ask her what she gets if she throws a tantrum and starts crying because she wants something after we've said no and she'll tell you...NOTHING.  Kids shouldn't be rewarded for bad behavior...EVER. 

In our house no means no...it doesn't mean ask me 15 more times until we give in. We don't give in...EVER.  We are, however, quick to praise good behavior, quick to give special treats for REALLY good behavior, quick to give out kisses and hugs, and tell her a hundred times a day how proud we are of her and how much we love her.  Kids wants attention, so make them crave positive attention and the benefits it brings.

I wasn't the perfect mother and I certainly wish I could get a do-over on some of the choices I made when raising my children, but I've learned a lot in 24 years of parenting and let me tell you, things are seriously out of control when your 8 year old runs the house.

So parents, don't be afraid to actually be PARENTS.  Your job is to raise a well rounded person who can make good life choices and be a benefit to society...your job is NOT to be their best friend.

Stepping down from my soapbox now.