When I was 18 years old I found myself at one of life's crossroads that scared me to death. I was preparing to leave home and go out in the world on my own...well sort of. I was moving to St. Louis to continue college and I had a great job as a live in nanny, taking care of self sufficient kids for a few hours a day. I had it lucky, a gentle move into the world of being an adult, but still in a warm, safe environment.
I can remember sitting in the truck one night as I waited to pick my father up from work. I started crying, scared of what the future might bring, scared I would be a failure, scared I would disappoint my family...scared of everything. However at the same time I was excited, I was going to be on my own, making my own decisions, not having to ask permission, not having to check in with my parents, not even having to go to class if I didn't want to. I could do anything I wanted to do, go anywhere I wanted to go, be whatever I wanted to be.
My dad found me sitting there, pondering what life had in store and we sat in the dark talking for a very long time, me pouring out my fears to him and him assuring me that I was smart and could do anything I set my mind to.
Last night I had a very similar conversation with my son. A former Marine, a recent college graduate who is now working towards his masters degree, he is also a soon-to-be father and is getting ready to start his dream job.
DJ has always been very confident in his abilities, sometimes overly so, but when he asked to talk to me last night I saw that familiar look of panic in his eyes, that "What am I doing? What if I fail?" look I've seen reflected so many times in the mirror throughout my life.
We talked about his fears, beginning a career in a field he loves...the fear that he won't be good enough, moving far away from home and not having his support network in the next room, being financial responsible for two other people, being a good parent...all the fears each of us face at some point in our lives.
I gave him the same advice my father gave me...embrace the moment, don't let the fear overwhelm you, have an adventure, be responsible, give 110%, learn from those around you, be a sponge...take it all in. Be true to yourself, be true to your values, do more than what's asked, be friendly, be smart, be respectful, don't be on time...be early. Listen more than you talk, ask questions, acknowledge your limitations then bust your ass to go beyond them. Yes, you will make mistakes but learn from them, grow from them. Work is important but not as important as your family. Be a good father, be a good partner, never leave the house without telling your family you love them, kiss them goodbye, hug them when you walk in the door.
I think Dr. Seuss probably said it best when he wrote....
"Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go
I'm proud of you son....now go conquer the world!
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