Fat girls have feelings too!

 

Well, it happened.  I knew at some point there was a real possibility someone at the gym was going to give me a dirty look, laugh at me or make a rude comment... what I didn't count on was how much it would hurt my feelings.

I did my normal gym routine tonight.  Checked Bella into the Kid's club then changed into my workout clothes and headed straight to the exercise bikes where I proceeded to peddle my chunky little legs up and down simulated hills for ten miles.  I worked hard and was pretty proud of myself as I headed to the locker room to change into my swim suit and hit the pool to do laps.

For the sake of full disclosure I must admit that me in a swimming suit is not a pretty sight. I'm almost 100 lbs overweight so I could wear the most expensive, tailor made swimming suit and it still wouldn't be very attractive.  I HATE the walk from from the locker room to the pool, but I know it's a necessary evil if I'm going to get in shape. So off I walked with my shoulders back and head held high.

Because of my foot injury I'm not allowed to walk long distances like I once did, but I can walk all I want in a pool because the water takes the pressure off my foot.  It's still uncomfortable, but nothing I can't handle, so I grabbed the foam noodle we use in my water aerobics class and started my walk.  After 10 laps I climbed out of the pool and headed to the hot tub to help my aching leg muscles relax.  As I sat there two young girls came into the pool, probably no older than 18 years old. I didn't pay their giggling conversation much attention until I heard one of them whisper (loudly), "Look, there's that cow that was riding the bike earlier."  Yep, my ears perked right up because I was the only other person in the pool area.

Comments were made back and forth between them regarding my "fat ass" that was too big to fit on the bike seat, the way my fat giggled so much as I peddled that it shook the building, and how I looked like the black hole in my swimming suit.

I was crushed and swept back in time to the 6th grade when I was the kid everyone picked on.  As I fought back tears I climbed out of the the hot tub, rinsed off and headed to the sauna where I burst into tears.

A few minutes later a young (and totally hot) man joined me in the sauna and after sitting quietly for a few minutes asked if I was okay.  I said I was fine and then promptly burst into tears again. All my insecurities poured from my lips, my fear that I would never lose the weight, the irritation that I could no longer do my long walks, hatred of the way I looked, how hard I was working to train for the Ride to Cure, Brandi's fight for life, and the two girls hateful comments.  After the first 5 minutes he moved and sat next to me and started patting my back, encouraging me to let it all out...and I did, for another 10 minutes.  Finally I was cried out and ready to get changed, get Bella, and get the hell out of there.  I thanked him profusely for listening to me and told him how much I appreciated his kindness.

When I opened the door to leave the girls were directly in front of me in the hot tub and as soon as they saw me one of them yelled out, "Watch out, WIDE load coming through!"

The hot, hunky angel I had been talking to jumped to his feet and was out the door in a flash. I watched in amazement as he walked straight to the two girls and said, "This woman is busting her ass to improve herself and help other people. She may be heavy now but one day soon she'll be thin because she's willing to do the work that's needed, but you two will ALWAYS be nothing more that a couple of bitches!"  Then he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked me to the door of the women's locker room.

I seriously could have kissed him...and I'm sure my husband would have understood.

This is the first time in 2 months I've faced any negativity at my gym. Sure, there's a lot of thin, well toned people who work out there, but there are also people even heavier and/or older than me.  I'll admit my first instinct was to walk out that door and never come back, but I'm not going to let two immature children derail me from my goal.

So tomorrow I'll go back to the gym, peddle my ass off again and then put on the "black hole" swimming suit and hit the pool, because nothing and no one is going to keep me from climbing on that bike in August and riding those 100 miles to raise money to help find a cure for diabetes.

Especially not those two twits.