For as long as I can remember I've wanted to run in a marathon. From the first moment I first saw a photo of the throng of people gathered at the starting line of the New York City Marathon in their cute little running shorts and toned beyond belief legs I dreamed of being one of them. I imagined what it would be like to run for miles without gasping for air, the sweat rolling off me and the inevitable tears of victory as I crossed the finish line.
I'm nothing if not a realist though and I knew I would never be able to actually RUN in a marathon, but last year I decided this year I was going to make my dream somewhat of a reality by walking a marathon. I love to walk, and at one point not to many months ago I could walk 4 miles with no more effort than other people walked around the block and with very little effort I could walk 10 miles. I knew without any doubt that I could walk the 26.2 miles needed to complete the marathon, it would be tough but I could do it.
And then I developed a nasty little thing call Plantar Fasciitis. For those of you not familiar with it, it's an inflammation of the thick tissue on the bottom of the foot called the plantar fascia. The plantar fascia is rather important because it connects the heel bone to the toes and creates the arch of your foot.
Anyway....during one of my walks my heel started hurting. Thinking I was developing a stone bruise I decided to take a couple days off to rest my foot, unfortunately it didn't stop the pain. For 8 weeks I hobbled around and iced my foot, but the pain only got worse - to the point where it felt like I was stepping on a large nail every time I took a step. I finally broke down and went to a podiatrist who gave me the diagnoses and told me it's quite common in people who run or walk long distances and I'd have to stop my walking regiment, do several foot exercises every day, a boot to wear to bed which would hold my foot in a specific position, and have a rather painful cortisone shot in my foot. She warned me that it could take nine months or longer for my foot to be healed, but if I followed her instructions to the letter there was a good chance I could walk my marathon and do the JDRF Ride to Cure.
So I followed her rules. I stayed off my foot, stopped my daily walks, and had the shot...but the pain continued. I saw the doctor a few weeks later and had a second REALLY painful injection, and this time wonder of wonders the pain went away...COMPLETELY away.
My hope renewed I went on my merry way, continuing to follow the doctor's instructions to the letter. Life was great and with my doctor's permission I started training for the Ride to Cure. The doc said I couldn't walk yet, but I could peddle to my heart's content.
Within a couple months the pain returned so back to the doctor I went. We had a long talk about my foot and the doctor said the time had come to talk about the next treatment option...surgery. As I sat there listening to her describe the surgery I had only one question...what was the recovery time? Three months...three long months of doing NOTHING, which meant my ride training would come to a screeching halt. That is simply not acceptable to me.
So instead of surgery I chose option number two...several weeks...possibly months...in a walking cast and one last shot. The boot is big and bulky, but it does make walking less painful, so I've been really good about wearing it as directed, but this time the pain didn't go away, as a matter of fact it's getting worse again...which brings me to today.
This morning I woke up at 3 am with a throbbing foot...so bad I could barely walk. The pain is not only worse, it's different, going all the way to the ball of my foot. As I was limping around making breakfast for Bella I realized that there was no way I was going to be able to walk in a marathon this year...and possibly ever.
It's been a dream for such a long time so it's emotionally painful to know it's never going to happen, but I take comfort in knowing I'll still be doing the Ride to Cure, because as much as I wanted to walk that marathon I want to ride those 100 miles a thousand times more...because raising money for diabetes research is much more important.
So I'll keep training and peddling my legs off so I'm able to complete those 100 miles and when it's over with I'll probably break down and have the surgery to fix my foot.
So today I'm sad because I gave up one of my dreams, but at the same time I'm happy to continue fighting for a bigger - and much more important - dream...a world without diabetes.
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