A Letter to New D-Moms and Dads

Dear New D-Mom or Dad,

You don’t know me, but I know you. I know what you’re thinking, I know what you’re feeling, I know that you cry a hundred tears every day. I know you lay in bed for hours every night trying to figure out what you did wrong. What did you do…or didn’t do…that caused your child to become sick, what did you do to cause them to get Type 1 Diabetes.

I know you because I AM YOU…or at least I was.

There’s nothing you’re feeling that I, and a million other D-Parents, haven’t felt. It’s okay, it’s normal, it’s to be expected…and it’s a waste of energy.

It wasn’t anything you let your child eat, or not eat. It wasn’t because you breast fed, or didn’t breast feed. It wasn’t because you reheated your child’s food in a plastic bowl in the microwave. It wasn’t because you let them play in the grass barefoot, or play in a mud puddle, or they ate a bug or because you made them wear lime green pants on every third Monday.

You didn’t do this. Are you listening…you DIDN’T do this. I can feel you saying, “I know” yet in your heart you don’t believe the words, so let me say it again…YOU DIDN’T DO THIS…unless of course you physically ripped your child’s pancreas from their body, because that would be the ONLY way you could have caused your child’s diabetes.

No ripping out of the pancreas? I didn’t think so…so repeat after me, “I DIDN’T DO THIS TO MY CHILD!”

You also need to stop beating yourself up because you can’t remember 2/3 of what they told you during your child’s initial hospital stay…or as I like to call it, Diabetes Boot Camp. Seriously, you were in shock, you were overwhelmed, your child was seriously ill – possibly near death, you were sleep deprived and the hospital staff was giving you one class after another. It’s a miracle you could remember your child’s name let alone a single piece of the information that was being crammed down your throat. It’s okay, the information is out there, help is out there…you are not alone.

Don’t believe half the stuff you read on the internet…people can post ANYTHING on the net and are rarely held accountable. There are no teas, no berries, no magical bath salts that will cure your child. There is no cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Don’t listen to people who say there is. We’re working on it, thousands of doctors and researchers have devoted their lives to finding a cure, millions of people are raising money to fund the research…but we’re not there yet. If you want to give your money away then give it where it will actually do some good (like the JDRF or the Diabetes Research Institute), sponsor someone who is walking or riding for the cure...don’t give it to all the con artist who give false promises.

At some point, especially during the first year (better known as the honeymoon period) you’re going to question the diagnoses. How can my child possibly have diabetes when their blood sugar drops so low after they take insulin? Diabetes means my child should have HIGH blood sugar levels, not low. I think there’s been a terrible mistake….a misdiagnoses.

There was no mistake.

The truth is more diabetics die of low blood sugar than high blood sugar. It’s scary, it’s not what we learned growing up, but it’s true. When trying to educate people I always tell them that diabetes is a disease that doesn’t follow any rules. What works for you today might not work next week. What works for a friend’s child might not work for your child. Just remember, high blood sugar may kill your child eventually, but low blood sugar will kill them right now. Be prepared for the lows…ALWAYS be prepared for the lows. Memorize the signs of low blood sugar: confusion, dizziness, feeling shaky, hunger, headaches, irritability, racing heart, pale skin, sweating, trembling, weakness, anxiety.

Once again…confusion, dizziness, feeling shaky, hunger, headaches, irritability, racing heart, pale skin, sweating, trembling, weakness and/or anxiety. This is important, recognizing these symptoms will save your child’s life.

Don’t be afraid to check your child’s blood sugar in the middle of the night, as a matter of fact I encourage it. Blood sugar levels can be great when your child goes to bed and drop to deadly low levels when they’re sleeping. Yes, you’re child isn’t going to be happy…you’re their mother, it’s not your job to always make them happy, it IS your job to keep them alive. I’m not telling you this to scare you, I’m telling you it to help you save your child. Besides, we both know you can’t possibly be more scared than you already are.

Follow your gut. If something doesn’t seem right to you, check their blood sugar. Remember to ALWAYS follow up treatments for lows with protein. Protein is important; it’s what will keep their blood sugar from dropping too low again.

Remember that almost every person you know THINKS they know what to do for diabetes, but unless they have it, or their child or spouse has it, or they’re a medical professional who routinely works with diabetics then they don’t have a clue. They may think they know, but they don’t. Don’t get angry, use these conversations to educate them. Explain that Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease; explain that although a healthy diet is important for a diabetic it’s equally important for EVERY child. Explain that your child CAN have sugar, and bread, and potatoes…or anything that everyone else can eat, but it has to be in moderation. Imagine being the only child at a birthday party who’s not allowed to eat a piece of cake. LET THEM HAVE CAKE…just make sure you give them enough insulin to cover it.

Control the diabetes, don’t let it control you. Educate yourself, educate others. Don’t let it rob your child of their childhood. Let your kid be a kid.

You’re going to make mistakes, every parent of a diabetic child has made mistakes…we’re human. Acknowledge the error, learn from it…then move on.

Become active in the diabetic community. Learn from MY mistake. I didn’t become active until we were 6 years into our life with diabetes, and it was hard. The feeling of isolation, beating myself up when something went wrong, thinking I was the only one who ever felt this way…it all could have been avoided if I’d only connected with other D-Moms and dads.

You are NOT alone. We’re here for you, let us help you. Let us teach you and comfort you. Let us hold your hand when you’re scared and give you a shoulder to cry on when you’re overwhelmed. You don’t have to do this by yourself…we WANT to help…we’ve been there, we’ve lived it…we’re STILL living it, we understand…we won’t judge…we CAN help.

You are NOT alone, you can do this…you CAN do this.

I promise.