Guilt

For weeks Bella has been begging me to take her to see the movie Hotel Transylvania. Like me (and her mommy) she was born with a love for watching movies on the big screen. I think it must be something in our genes because my mom and sisters have the same love.

For our family every trip to the movie theater began with a trip to the concession stand where I would always get the same thing: a medium bag of popcorn with extra, extra, EXTRA butter, a small plastic cup in which I would pour about 1/4 cup of popcorn salt, a package of dip n dots chocolate ice cream, a large coke with extra ice, and often one additional snack - like twizzlers or cookies.  

If you're keeping count that comes to about a kazillion calories.

I've been putting off taking Bella because I was afraid of the concession stand. I know it's pathetic, but I really, REALLY love theater popcorn and I wasn't sure I was to the point where I could handle the temptation.

It ends up I was right...sort of.

Yesterday afternoon Bella and I went to see the movie and just as expected the popcorn started screaming my name the minute I stepped through the door. Armed with the small container of fruit  I had in my purse (shhh, don't tell anyone I was bringing food into the theater) I felt strong enough to make our purchase.

My inner self was saying, "Shoulders back, chin out, deep breath...walk nonchalantly to the concession stand...you can do this!" but the moment the theater employee asked what he could get for me an evil demon took control of my body and I blurted out, "I'd like a medium popcorn with extra, extra butter, a bag of twizzlers, a large coke with extra ice and an empty small plastic cup." followed immediately by "WAIT! Stop....I need to change my order!"

Taking a deep breath I asked the man to go to next customer while I thought for a minute.  Breaking out my Lose It program I quickly started looking up calories.

When it was my turn again I calmly placed our order of a small popcorn with light butter, a bag of twizzlers, a cherry Icee (for Bella) and a LARGE bottle of water...and an empty plastic cup and two cardboard serving trays.

Then Bella and I went to smaller counter where they keep the popcorn salt.  I meticulously measured out two cups of popcorn on each tray and sprinkled just a small (yes Lynda, small..minuscule even) amount of salt on it, ripped open the twizzlers and placed 6 of the licorice treats on my tray, 2 on Bella's then immediately threw the rest of the candy and popcorn in the trash.

Okay, it was still a lot of calories..550 to be exact, BUT I decided it would be my cheat day and I still ended up 487 calories under what I could eat for the day.

I'd like to take a small break to point out that I didn't have a single soda yesterday...unheard of for me!

Anyway, I made my choices and ate the popcorn kernel by kernel instead of shoveling it in by the handful. I was feeling pretty good about what I did....until this morning.

This morning I feel guilty.  The moment I walked up to that counter I forgot about the fruit in my purse...completely forgot it even existed.  And although I stopped myself from eating all I normally do and managed to stay under my calorie limit, I still made some poor choices.  I should have chosen popcorn OR twizzlers, but not both.  I should have had chosen butter OR salt, but once again...not both.

I'm not beating myself up...but I do feel guilty. So I'm going to take that guilt and learn a lesson from it. Next time we go to the movies I will bring enough money for the tickets and nothing else.  I will bring in healthy snacks (hidden securely in my purse.), will take control of my urges. I will remember how I felt this morning and will not let history repeat itself.

At least that's the plan.