Last Words

In my line of work I deal with a lot of death...and a LOT of angry people. People who say horrible things to  their loved ones.  Sometimes they're deserved, most often they're not, and when I hang up the phone I always wonder... "What if those are the last words you ever say to that person?"

I never leave for work without telling my family I love them. I never hang up the phone without telling those in my life how much they mean to me.  I always keep in mind that it may be the last words I say to them.

As I watched the destruction caused by the tornadoes in Oklahoma I wondered how many people were regretting yelling at their children to hurry up for school that morning, or how many now widowed people were regretting the stupid argument over breakfast. 

My daughter brought the issue home to me this afternoon when I asked where she was going as she started to walked out the door.  Instead of a simple answer I was informed that she was 23 years old and she didn't have to tell me where she was going and I was driving her CRAZY asking her where she was going every time she walked out the door. 

I had about a dozen snippy comebacks pop into my head - none of them very nice -  but I bit my tongue because I always think about last words.  I wondered how Brandi would feel if she came home and found me dead of a heart attack, or how I'd feel if she was in a car accident, and I didn't want the last words I said to be her to be venomous and filled with anger

Then I sat on the couch and had a good cry because IF something had happened to her I'd always remember the the pain of last words she said.

I think sometimes people forget that it's not okay to be rude, sarcastic or hateful to those you love.  It astounds me that they'll be smiley and polite to a complete stranger, but they're complete assholes to the people they love most. Not that I'm an angel...I've had some pretty harsh parting words come out of my mouth, words I've regretted later.

I know the theory about people feeling "safe" enough to vent their anger towards their loved ones, even when it's undeserving, because they know the person will still love them.

I'm calling bullshit on that one.

While the theory may be true -a parent will always love their child- when someone you love says hurtful things while they're lashing out,  the pain runs deeps and stays with you for a long time.  We D-Moms and Dads are quick to forgive when our child's blood sugars are out of whack, but the words still sting...a LOT.

My heart aches for all those who lost their loved ones in in Oklahoma, but I'll be saying extra prayers of peace for those whose last words to their lost loved one were harsh.