Tonight was kind of a big night for me. It was the first time in the almost two weeks since my bike accident that I wasn't in pain. There was discomfort, but thanks to the medication my doctor gave me there wasn't any severe pain. So when I got off work at midnight I decided it was time to pack up the bike and go for a training ride.
So I did....and I was scared. I'm talking hands shaking, legs quivering scared.
My fear took me by surprise. I'm not use to being scared, not that it never happens, but it's pretty rare. I use to be a police officer and although I was always cautious I don't ever remember being really scared. I have literally run into a house that was on fire...okay, it was a small fire, but there were still flames...and I didn't hesitate, not for a moment. Had major surgery to donate an organ...no fear. I handle life and death situations every single day at work and never bat an eye....
But as I pulled my bike off it's rack I was SCARED.
I don't think it was because of the accident I was in a couple weeks ago. It may have left me a little battered and bruised, but I've had much worse injuries from accidents.
I had a couple false starts, mostly because I was shaking so badly I was afraid I'd fall again, but eventually I took a deep breath, said a prayer and just rode.
Once I let go of the fear I was able to enjoy my ride. It wasn't anything major, just five miles of circling a nearby school's parking lot...but it was five miles with bruised ribs and a torn pectoral muscle...so I think that's a good start.
I didn't push myself, as soon as the discomfort in my chest turned to real pain I packed up the bike...but I had a huge grin on my face all the way home. I was scared, but I over came my fear. I was uncomfortable, but I rode anyway. It was a great feeling.
After a little soul searching I think the fear was more of the unknown. What if I couldn't ride? What if the pain was too much? What if I crashed again and injured myself more seriously? What if I end up not being able to train and am not prepared for the Ride to Cure Diabetes?
I'm not scared anymore. A little nervous...okay, a LOT nervous, because the doc said it will be 4-6 weeks before the pain from the torn muscle goes away. That means 4-6 weeks before I can ride long distances again, but that's okay. All I can do is all I can do.
If giving 100% means only riding 10% of what I was able to ride before my accident, then I'll have to be satisfied with that...at least for now. The important thing is that I'm back on bike and giving my all.
Today 5 miles...the next time I'll shoot for 7 miles...I'll increase a little more each ride until I'm back where I was.
Slow and steady wins the race.
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