Walking into a gym may not seem like that big of a deal to most of you but when you're 50 years old (well, almost), 74 lbs overweight (hey...I'm no longer 100 lbs overweight!) and haven't done a real workout in years it can be a bit daunting. So as I sat out in the dark looking at the brightly lit building I kept repeating, "You can do it...don't overdo it...slow and easy wins the race."
I had a plan, I think it was a very good plan...I would start off slow....I'm talking turtle slow, dip my toe in the pool kind of slow. Tonight I would ride a stationary bike for 30 minutes, swim 10 laps in the pool, then sit in the whirlpool for 10 minutes so my muscles wouldn't get sore, and then spend a few minutes in the sauna to sweat out those impurities. Nice and easy...hoping I wouldn't be bed ridden with sore muscles the following day.
All went well until I sat down on the stationary bike and found I needed to adjust the seat because it was too far back. After finally figuring out which level moved the seat up I sat back down...damn, still too far back. Okay, another fight with the evil red bar and the seat slid up a couple more notches...too close...after several more adjustments - and LOTS of giggles from the people around me because I looked like something out of an I Love Lucy episode - I was ready to ride. Ear buds in, Runaway Bride ready to be viewed on my Kindle, sweat towel and water bottle ready, and I was off!
I peddled and peddled, dreaming about the day when I would be on a real bike, riding 100 miles to raise money to find a cure for diabetes - our family's arch nemeses. I felt the burn in my legs, felt my heart rate increase, made sure to take slow deep breaths and pace myself. I felt the sweat rolling down my body, became my own cheering section chanting, "You can do it, you can do it...feel the burn, the burn is good...you're doing great!" And then I looked at the timer..
3 minutes. Are you freaking kidding me...THREE MINUTES...holy hell, this was going to be harder than I thought.
"Okay, look at the bike setting, maybe you have it in mountain terrain setting...nope, flat as Kansas...shit...keep peddling...don't focus on the time, focus on the distance...a half mile...shit... don't look at the distance, focus on the rpms...62...good, 62 rpms is good isn't it...maybe I should increase the rpms...faster, that's right, FASTER...82 rpms, that's better...look at granny go...how in the hell am I going to ride a hundred miles...what was I thinking...I can't do this...yes you can.. NO I can't...YES YOU CAN NOW SHUT THE HELL UP CAUSE I'M RIDING HERE....wait, my legs feel like noodles, is that a good sign or a bad one? Just peddle...that's it, keep peddling...OMG I'm going to die...you're not going to die, quit being a drama queen...no really, my heart is going to explode...maybe just a glance at the timer...10 minutes, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!... Keep going, you can do it...okay lets get in a groove...ride at 60 rpms for 3/4 of a mile then peddle your ass off for the last 1/4 mile, nothing less than 80 rpms....what's my heart rate...how in the hell do I check my heart rate...oh, there...yep, that's it...142...that's a good rate..isn't it..shit, what's my resting heart rate, I forgot to check....what's that guy doing, why did he put in his weight...was I suppose to enter my weight...if I can see his weight that means everybody would be able to see me...F that...I'm not putting my damn weight in...keep peddling, don't stop...shit, time to increase the rpms again...oh my God, WHAT WAS I THINKING...I'm too old...I'm too fat....shut up, I'm trying to focus here...I want to walk, I miss walking, look at all those happy people on the treadmill...stupid foot, it's YOUR fault I'm not over there walking...keep peddling...wow, my foot hurts, is it suppose to hurt...where's the kids play area, I didn't see it when I came in...don't forget to look for it before you leave...what's that machine for...maybe I should try using some of the cool looking exercise machines before I leave...really, because you think they're not going to be hauling your fat ass out of here in an ambulance...will an ambulance get here in time....PEDDLE...how long now...25 minutes...wow, 25 minutes...I'm almost there...keep peddling...I wonder if people think I look as weird as I feel...wow I can't feel my legs at all now...is that a good sign....almost done, 1 more minute...PUSH...come on you can do it...PUSH....30 minutes...or thank you dear Lord in heaven for not letting me die during my first workout. Time to stop...no wait, aren't I suppose to warm down..warm down, is that really even a phrase...it's warm UP you idiot, you cool down....oh fuck this, I'm getting of this damn torture device!
Yep folks, apparently when I get on a stationary bike I become a raving lunatic because I pretty much typed the experience exactly how it happened.
Next came the pool which meant I had to change into my swimming suit...oh no, fat chick in a swimming suit...not just a swimming suit but a fluorescent hot pink swimming suit..damn my love of hot pink! Okay, new plan...just get your hot pink ass into the pool and get under the water as quickly as possible so you don't burn anyone's retinas!
I QUICKLY waddled to the pool and was happy to see it deserted...well, almost deserted, there was only one other person. Okay, head down, focus...just get in the damn pool and Vince...Vince Buman..is that you?!?
Yep, the only other person in the pool happened to be one of my favorite deputies I'd ever worked with, and although I couldn't clearly see him without my glasses I never forget a voice and that was definitely Vince's voice...it hadn't changed in the 20 years since I'd last heard it.
So for the next 30 minutes Vince and I walked, swam, and dog paddled laps in the pool together catching up with each other's lives. It was great seeing my old friend, remembering war stories, talking about our children and grandchildren. Holy cow, we're grandparents...where did the years go?
Next it was off to the hot tub and as we entered I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought of me and Vince being in a hot tub together...never thought THAT would happen!
Finally the sauna (dry heat is a sauna, right?) Even though I'm not a fan of high temperatures I LOVED the sauna..it felt relaxing and comforting and not any hotter than one of my hot flashes. I really wanted to spread out a towel and take a nap, I knew that probably wasn't a good idea..but it was tempting.
So I survived my first day at the gym, the first of many. I need to go from 30 minutes on a bike to..well, a lot longer than 30 minutes. I imagine it will take several hours to ride 100 miles, but that's okay, I took the first step, and tomorrow morning when I get off work I'll take the second step...and before I know it will be spring and I'll be going on real bicycle rides with the wind blowing through my hair.
The important thing is that I took the first step.
Oh my Tanya! This reminds me of my first experience back at the gym. Thanks for the chuckles! Hope you're back at it again soon so it becomes routine. I love the gym now!!!
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